Therapy for Parents

It’s understandable to feel concerned when you notice changes in your child’s behavior. It's important to remember that every child is unique, and there can be many factors that influence their emotions and behaviors. While some behaviors may be typical for their age and stage of development, others might indicate that they're struggling with something.  Together, we can figure out the best way to support your child's well-being.

There could of course be many reasons, but a common reason is actually anxiety.  Often, children and teens (and adults) will mask their feelings of anxiety, showing anger instead.  This can be confusing to parents.  You may be asking, If my child is anxious then shouldn’t I see them be fearful or agitated instead of angry?

Anxiety triggers a fear response.  When we feel fear, our bodies will commonly resort to the fight, flight, freeze, or fawn defense mechanisms. This means that instead of your child behaving in a fearful manner, they might lash out, using the “fight” response.  This causes parents, and others around them, to mistake anxiety for anger.

During therapy we’ll explore what’s going on in your teen’s life, as well as their thoughts, beliefs, and feelings in order to get to the root cause of their emotions and behaviors.  Whether it’s anxiety or other factors causing their anger, we’ll work together to create a plan to address it.

Feel free to explore the “Therapy for anxiety and stress” page as well.

Therapy is designed to be confidential.  Confidentiality is a term that means that what a client shares with me stays between us.  This helps build trust so that your teen is willing to be an active participant in the therapeutic process and will be open and honest about their thoughts and feelings in all areas of their life.  I am sure that you can appreciate that if your teen thought that I would tell you what they shared with me in sessions, they probably wouldn’t tell me very much.  This would make engaging in any real therapeutic work nearly impossible.

However, I do believe parental involvement is essential to the therapeutic process and can be helpful in not only your child’s progress, but also in making any needed changes within the family dynamics.  With your teen’s input, some aspects of our sessions, for instance, me sharing with you general information like the skills your teen is working on, may be shared. This must be done in a way that feels comfortable to your child though and still respects their privacy.  You and I will also have periodic sessions where you can share your impressions of the progress being made and any additional concerns.  Continual communication is vital.

While most of what is shared with me will be kept confidential, there are situations where I may be legally required to break that confidentiality to ensure their safety or the safety of others.  These exceptions typically involve instances of harm or risk of harm, including situations such as potential self-harm, harm to others, or instances of abuse.

I do offer limited after-school and evening appointments; however, these tend to book up very fast. As an alternative, I may be able to meet with you or your teen in a private and confidential session at your office or another appropriate location or at your teen's school for in-person sessions. If online therapy is preferred, during lunch or a study period can often be a great option. This is dependent on several factors though. If this is of interest, please reach out so we can discuss it.

It is normal for teens (and almost everyone) to be nervous about seeing a therapist.  The nervousness will usually go away relatively quickly after starting therapy.  Other teens might be very resistant to the idea of therapy or even refuse altogether.  My first recommendation is to have them check out the Teen Counseling page.  After that, if they’re willing, I’d recommend having them speak with me during the initial phone consultation or to meet me in-person or online for the first session.  This will allow them to ask any questions and will give me a chance to explain what therapy is like and the confidentiality policy.  Often, once we speak, teens are more willing to engage in the process.

If your teen completely refuses to attend therapy, then my recommendation is for you as a parent to consider either Parent Coaching or Individual Therapy for yourself.  By you engaging in the therapeutic process the family dynamics can shift as you gain needed insight and skills.  Another benefit of this is your teen will see your willingness and, as time progresses, will hopefully see the positive changes it produces.  This can motivate them to be willing to try therapy themselves as well.

Therapy is an individual process and may differ from person to person and especially whether I’m meeting with a teen or adult, but I can give you a general idea.  Usually, sessions are 50 minutes and we meet weekly.  This frequency allows for the therapeutic momentum to build.  However, everyone’s needs are different, so this is decided on a case-by-case basis, and other frequencies, such as every other week instead, can be considered.  We’ll either meet in-person or online.  Therapy might look a little different depending on which it is, but either way, it’ll be a place where you or your teen are free to discuss what’s been going on that week or what’s on your mind.  We’ll work together to create some goals that you or your teen would like to work on.  I’ll also help you think through the problems you’re facing and even practice some of the new skills you’ve learned to help you resolve those problems. 

Especially for teens and young adults, since talking about hard topics can feel so uncomfortable, I try to pull in some other activities that can help the session feel more relaxed or even break through some resistance.  We might break out some games or maybe they’ll share some of their favorite music with me.  You’d be surprised how much therapeutic insight is gained through these activities.

As a parent you might have the experience of your teen saying to you “All we ever do is play games” or if you ask them what they did in session, you might get the reply “We played a board game” or “We talked about the music I listen to”.  Please know that everything I do in session has a therapeutic purpose.  That game or talking about or listening to music might be used to break the ice with a new client, it might be a way to lessen tension as the teen is exploring a hard topic, or it might be a way to learn or practice a new skill being taught.  Often, connecting with adolescents means learning about, and engaging in, activities that they enjoy.  Doing so allows the “real therapeutic work” to take place in a manner that doesn’t feel threatening or overwhelming to them.

I think sometimes there is a belief that talking with a therapist means you walk in and tell them EVERYTHING you’re thinking and feeling; “spill your guts” so to speak.  This isn’t usually how it goes, and it isn’t even necessary or therapeutically appropriate.  Therapy is about building trust.  I would never expect that you or your child would feel comfortable sharing very personal things right away with me.  As we get to know each other and that trust builds, then you or they will hopefully feel more comfortable talking about the personal or hard things that come up.  The first few sessions really are about building that trust and rapport.  Ultimately it is up to you to decide what and when to share or discuss something.  There may be times that I bring something up (that is kind of my job after all), but it is totally acceptable to let me know you’re not ready to talk about that right then and we can circle back to it if needed.

Reach out to schedule your free 20-minute consultation.  During the call, I will answer any questions you may have, learn about what you’re struggling with, and tell you more about my approach to therapy.  I can help you figure out what type of therapy will best meet your needs.  If you are considering therapy for your teen, they are more than welcome to be on the call as well to ask any of their questions.  Part of the purpose of the initial consultation call is to figure out if we’re a good fit to work together, based both on personalities and the challenges you’re experiencing right now.  I want you to feel comfortable and for you to get the help you want, need, and deserve.  Hopefully, I can be that for you, but if not, I’ll try to refer you to someone who can.